Pertimbangan dari fulkrum yang berkarat

Pukul 7 petang, dan Kuala Lumpur berbau masam. Wajah-wajah yang diam, tunduk, teliti memilih lagu-lagu senja untuk menemani perjalanan pulang.

Sunyi di bandar bunyinya lain. Bukan seperti di kampung, bila sunyi, maka bunyinya sepi. Di bandar, sunyinya berlagu dan berbau. Lagu-lagu kasar, datang dari mesin-mesin besar yang menjantungi bandar. Bau-bau minyak dan keringat insan pula menghiasi kesunyian tadi.

Dalam kesibukan itu, ada suatu wajah tua yang tersenyum. Asing sekali senyumannya dari wajah-wajah lain dalam gerabak itu. Ahh, mungkin dia datang dari kampung, mahu mencari anaknya di sini, perkara biasa. Pada tangannya ada beg besar yang berat. Pada tubuhnya terselit kegigihan orang lama. Berdirinya bongkok, mungkin kerana tulang-tulangnya sudah berusia.

Ketika itu aku sedar. Dalam keghairahan sebuah bandar yang sibuk, penuh dengan jiwa yang mengejar cita-cita. Semua orang terlupa, bahawa tiada jiwa yang lebih penting dari jiwa yang lain. Tiada orang yang lebih berhak dari orang yang lain.

Sepanjang 3 stesen orang tua itu berdiri, tiada seorang pun yang bangun untuk beliau duduk. Orang-orang yang sibuk, yang berucap pada cermin, "Aku mahu mengubah dunia!" sudah gagal ujian pertama. Mereka telah melebihkan jiwa mereka sendiri. Mengabaikan jiwa yang tua, yang mungkin sudah terbatas waktunya untuk berbakti pada dunia.

Lalu sedarlah aku, masyarakat ini lahir dari cita-cita yang singkat. Asalnya semua dari kata-kata yang nista dan dusta. Dilemparkan pada cermin, dan terpantul pada muka-muka sendiri.

They have become their own gods. Changing the world into a nameless wasteland. Indulging in their self-importance, forgetting the dream, not bothering for repentance.

The knot that ties us together

Do you feel rejected by both ends of your world?
When they push your extended hand away,
When they refuse to understand that time is short,
And when they turn away from the bitter smile you struck,
In retaliation to that gentle and harsh push,
That felt warm and painful, and sometimes beautiful.

Please understand that those arent rejection,
Because when all you wanted was to understand your world,
All your world wanted was to understand itself,
So it could better contain you and everyone else it pledged their refuge to,
And so that the knot that ties the both ends of your line can be kept safe,
So that it wouldnt break,
Even when a million other worlds rest upon it

The characters that deserve

The non-existent deserves all that you can be,
The present deserves all that you are,
You deserve all that you've created.

A toothless laugh

Have you ever came across one before?

It was like an ancient magic,
Silent,
Muted by age,
Triggered by a familiar joke from a familiar banter,
Where there was once fangs is now hollow,
Taken by the ferocity of gritted teeth,
The host was a body in a wheelchair,
With shuffling legs that cant stand too long or sit too long,
Eyes lost, untranslateable in a chorus of movement,
I've always wondered what they think of,
Are they alone in the crowd too?
Or is the crowd too familiar to be alone in?
I guess I'm too young to tell,
All I know is that day, I struggled to find life in all that heat and chaos,
When I came across it for the first time,
Beneath a sickly old woman without voice, teeth and strength,
Was a strange laugh that can be seen but not heard,
That was when I learnt that laughters are more for the eyes than the ears,
Because for that brief moment,
With a muted laughter,
She was the liveliest in the noisy crowd,
And the liveliest on that noisy day.

Tiang

Kami asalnya dari angan-angan harapan,
Datang dari jauh,
Bertapak di sini menyemai bumi,

Asal kami dari rumah-rumah kecil bertiang seribu,
Pada tiang-tiang itu tersirat sekelumit senyuman tua,
Pesan senyuman itu,
"Tiang-tiang kami akan roboh"
"Rumah ini akan hilang erti"
"Kamu harus pergi"
"Pergilah"
"Pergi dan bina sebuah rumah baru"
"Rumah ini akan hilang hangatnya"
"Akan hilang warnanya"
"Kelak cuma akan tinggal batu-batu pudar yang sejuk"
"Dan kamu akan perlukan rumah yang baru"
"Ambillah tiang ini"
"Yang terkuat antara seribu tiang"
"Inilah yang terbaik dari kami"
"Pergilah"
"Pergi dan bina sebuah rumah baru"

Maka pergilah kami,
Pembina-pembina yang bertongkat pada amanah rumah lama,
Berbekalkan sebatang tiang,
Cuma satu pertanyaan kami ayah, ibu,
Tidak akan robohkah sebuah rumah bertiang satu?
...tiada jawapan,
hanya senyuman pada tiang itu yang masih tinggal.

Love

Love is the colour you see in black and white,

The stench you remember from a long forgotten photograph,

The cheeky notes in a song you used to listen through the broken cassette player,

and as you forget everything from that moment,

You felt the tenderness of the sun,
Striking on the skin you've forgotten you had.

Love is an angry protection,

The bitter aftertaste from doing what you should instead of what you want.

It is the honest look from that child with the little voice,
 begging you to stay,

with his little hug wrapping around your thigh,

telling you they'd miss you without knowing to speak,
without knowing what it means to miss.

Love is the bread on the table,

The grapes in the fridge,
The singer in the shower,
The smell of fresh laundry,
And the comfort that came unrequested,
Unexpected,

It is the taste beyond words,

Permanent for 12 years,

And goes when they leave.

Love is what you build without purpose,

It is not without fire,

Scarring you where you cant see,

Tingles and burns in quiet nights,

And sleeping well in hustling days,

It exists in ways you wish will never end.

The creases grew longer

You've taught me to look at the world with solemn eyes,
To look for things hidden behind cheerful facade,
That vibrant and dreary can be the same thing.

You've told me all that,
and repeat that they're all you have,
and say that you can give me nothing more,
and nothing less.

So I nodded,
then I twist and turn in refusal,
and regret and learn after,
and understood how to be forgiving,
by learning how much you have forgiven me.

And now I'm grown,
I'm able to see,
The creases in the world that you showed to me patiently,
Only to notice that you have them too,
Which means that there will be time,

When I can no longer have you.